Common mistake
A topic sentence that is too broad gives examples nowhere to land; too narrow cannot support a paragraph.
Break the problem into one blocker, one piece of diagnostic evidence, and one next revision target first. The smaller the problem, the more focused the revision becomes.
Make the problem smaller first so revision can actually focus.
First of all, technology saves a lot of time in our daily life. For example, when we go to a new place, we do not need to ask people or remember the way, we just use the map App on the phone. Besides, we can pay by phone, buy things online and talk with friend…
Marked line: where the diagnosis located the main blocker in this learner-written essay.Coherence & cohesion 6
Sample diagnostic, not an official IELTS score.
A topic sentence that is too broad gives examples nowhere to land; too narrow cannot support a paragraph.
If the topic sentence only repeats the topic without a judgement word, the paragraph is hard to develop.
Write subject, judgement, and reason direction before examples.
Turn a vague topic sentence into a provable one, then add one because clause.
Break the problem into one blocker, one piece of diagnostic evidence, and one next revision target first. The smaller the problem, the more focused the revision becomes.
Banfen Writing focuses on targeted score-gap repair. Use a real essay to pinpoint your conservative band range, core blockers, text evidence, and next revision steps.
These pages explain the Banfen Writing diagnostic and blocker-repair method, Task 1 overview, Task 2 development, and common score blockers.
Submit the prompt and essay, find the criterion that most affects the score, then decide which paragraph to rewrite.
More than a simple comment list. Identify the priority blocker in your draft and guide you to revise with proven results.