Pre-draft outline check
Body 1 may explain productivity gain, and Body 2 must handle job displacement, but both paragraphs should serve the same final position.
This question often turns into one efficiency paragraph and one unemployment paragraph, leaving the position as both sides. Assign body-paragraph roles before drafting.
Do not let a discussion plan replace a clear opinion.
Saying technology creates new jobs is not enough; name the jobs, skills, and transition cost.
If the ending position differs from the introduction, the issue is usually paragraph responsibility, not language.
First of all, technology saves a lot of time in our daily life. For example, when we go to a new place, we do not need to ask people or remember the way, we just use the map App on the phone. Besides, we can pay by phone, buy things online and talk with friend…
Marked line: where the diagnosis located the main blocker in this learner-written essay.Coherence & cohesion 6
Sample diagnostic, not an official IELTS score.
Body 1 may explain productivity gain, and Body 2 must handle job displacement, but both paragraphs should serve the same final position.
Rewrite the final sentence of the introduction and add one role sentence to each body paragraph: what this paragraph must prove.
This question often turns into one efficiency paragraph and one unemployment paragraph, leaving the position as both sides. Assign body-paragraph roles before drafting.
Saying technology creates new jobs is not enough; name the jobs, skills, and transition cost.
If the ending position differs from the introduction, the issue is usually paragraph responsibility, not language. Rewrite the final sentence of the introduction and add one role sentence to each body paragraph: what this paragraph must prove.
Banfen Writing focuses on targeted score-gap repair. Use a real essay to pinpoint your conservative band range, core blockers, text evidence, and next revision steps.
These pages explain the Banfen Writing diagnostic and blocker-repair method, Task 1 overview, Task 2 development, and common score blockers.
Submit your technology replacing jobs essay and find the main blocker in position, paragraph role, or example.
More than a simple comment list. Identify the priority blocker in your draft and guide you to revise with proven results.